Note: The term "courtesy" is used many times in this article, as I could not formulate many synonyms for its use. Also, keep in mind this post does not encourage one to disregard others' views of courteous conduct; obviously, some things are right and wrong to do. As always, use your head.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not questioning the value of manners, chivalry, or politeness; these sort of fundamental ideas I believe are important when analyzing how people should treat one another. It's the lack of congruency in the general idea of courtesy that has bothered me so much in recent times. From what I have seen, most individuals have their own personalized sense of what is "courteous" and what is "rude", and use these tailored perspectives to look at (and judge) the actions of their fellow man or woman. This in itself shatters the concept of a "common courtesy"; courtesy is broken up into many different viewpoints based on a person's religion, race, culture, gender, and upbringing. A close friend of mine for example, who originates from Asia, frequently presents his view of courtesy in a much more rigid and defined method than I ever could agree with. Is he wrong? Of course not, as he is merely representative of his culture; what he thinks is courteous certainly may differ from what is considered courteous here, in the United States. This uniformity of belief and customs is arguably more common in foreign nations than in America, simply because of America's status as the world's melting pot. The overwhelming number of different cultures, religions, and beliefs that have poured into our country from its beginnings in the 18th century have rendered the nation a true mosaic, composed of millions of smaller pictures, which each tell their own story.
What's interesting is, when speaking to members of earlier generations, views of courtesy appear to adhere to much more parallel tangent. So is this fragmentation of the concept of "courtesy" merely a side-effect of the cultural shifting that occurs as time passes? There is no doubt that this argument makes sense in some instances; culture back in say, my parents day, was much more uniform, in the sense that conformity was actually encouraged (standing out could equate to simple isolation). The thinking pattern of a half-century old population stands out boldly when compared to today's world; there was a defined way to act and behave, and deviating from this norm earned you the label of "troublemaker" or "weirdo".
Today's society bears little resemblance to this old pattern of societal norms. Now, individualism is encouraged, even expected; every American child is considered different and special, and is expected to be treated as their own individual personality. While I do not necessarily disagree with this point, it is hard to miss how this can fragment a "common" style of thinking into many smaller sets of individual expectations and beliefs.
The issue here, is that many people still expect others to follow their own personalized codes of courteous conduct, and scold them when they deviate from their own beliefs. When looking at how disassembled a sense of common courtesy has become, it seems hypocritical for anyone in America to expect others to follow a code of conduct that may not necessarily be followed by all. So really, if you put your feet up on a table (for example), are you being rude to that table's owner, or simply only violating that person's code of conduct and courtesy? If others disagree with the notion that an action such as that is rude, does that make that action neutral? Must everyone agree on an action or response's position on the moral scale to make it so?
Take technology for example. The acceptance of public cell phone and gadget usage have become a topic of hot debate in some media outlets.
For argument's sake, look at this article from the NYTimes: New York Times Article on Technology Usage
Reading this, you can see the etiquette of using a device during conversation, or a dinner can solicit a strong reaction in many people. On one side, many argue it is rude to divide your eye contact and attention to a device in your hand, while someone talks to you or otherwise interacts with you. On the other side, many argue that it is necessary for their jobs or hobbies to keep a constant link between themselves and the vast expanse of the internet, be it to check e-mails or whatnot. So for the issue of technology, is their a common courtesy concerning the usage of phones/gadgets instead of interaction? Not really. When different groups pull on different parts of the issue, and pull different interpretations of an action put in front of them, the possibility for a common-ground is essentially lost. Common courtesy concerning this issue is therefore, impossible.
Does this sort of argument apply to other actions, such as borrowing money, physical contact, and eye contact during conversation? This is up to debate, as certain things move closer to and farther away from a "common courtesy" level (e.g. it is generally considered courteous to shake hands when introducing yourself in America).
In this society of individuals, one cannot hope to find this defined set of moral codes and rules of conduct concerning everyday life. It simply does not exist. In the meantime, perhaps it is within our power to realize that many of our ideas of courtesy are personalized to ourselves, and not use them to judge the actions of others.
Just an idea.
My apologies for the jumbled organization of this post, it's been awhile.
Stay frosty,
Me
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